Attorney/Witness

ATTORNEY:   Are you  sexually active?

WITNESS:     No, I just lie there. 

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ATTORNEY:   What is your  date of birth?

WITNESS:     July 18th. 

ATTORNEY:   What year?

WITNESS:     Every  year.

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ATTORNEY:  What gear  were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS:      Gucci sweats and Reeboks. 

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ATTORNEY:  This  myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? 

WITNESS:     Yes.

ATTORNEY:  And in what ways  does it affect your memory?

WITNESS:     I forget. 

ATTORNEY:  You forget? Can you give us an example of something you  forgot?

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ATTORNEY:  How old  is your son, the one living with you?

WITNESS:      Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

ATTORNEY:  How  long has he lived with you?

WITNESS:     Forty-five  years.

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ATTORNEY:  What was  the first thing your husband said to you that morning? 

WITNESS:     He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" 

ATTORNEY:  And why did that upset you? 

WITNESS:     My name is Susan. 

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ATTORNEY: Do you know if your  daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS:   We both do. 

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS:   We do.

ATTORNEY: You do? 

WITNESS:   Yes, voodoo. 

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ATTORNEY:  Now doctor,  isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS:     Did you actually  pass the bar exam? 

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ATTORNEY:  The youngest  son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS:      Uh, he's twenty-one. 

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ATTORNEY:  Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS:     Would you repeat the question? 

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ATTORNEY:  So the date of  conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS:    Yes. 

ATTORNEY:  And what were you doing at that time? 

WITNESS:     Uh.... 

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ATTORNEY:  She had three  children, right?

WITNESS:     Yes.

ATTORNEY:   How many were boys?

WITNESS:     None. 

ATTORNEY:  Were there any girls? 

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ATTORNEY:  How was your  first marriage terminated?

WITNESS:     By death. 

ATTORNEY:  And by whose death was it terminated? 

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ATTORNEY:  Can you  describe the individual?

WITNESS:     He was about  medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY:  Was this a male or a female? 

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ATTORNEY:  Is your  appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to  your attorney?

WITNESS:     No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

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ATTORNEY:   Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? 

WITNESS:     All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

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ATTORNEY:  ALL  your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS:    Oral. 

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ATTORNEY:  Do you recall  the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS:    The autopsy  started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY:  And Mr. Denton was dead at the  time?

WITNESS:     No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! 

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ATTORNEY:  Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS:     Huh? 

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ATTORNEY:  Doctor, before  you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? 

WITNESS:     No.

ATTORNEY:  Did you check for  blood pressure?

WITNESS:     No.

ATTORNEY:  Did  you check for breathing?

WITNESS:     No. 

ATTORNEY:  So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS:     No.

ATTORNEY:   How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS:     Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY:  But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS:     Yes,  it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing  law