Deep Observations on Life

1) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."

-Johnny Carson

2) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."

-Paul Rodriguez

3) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law."

-Jerry Seinfeld

4) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?"

-Warren Hutcherson

5) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same."

-Oscar Wilde

6) "Suppose you were an idiot And suppose you were a member of Congress... But I repeat myself."

-Mark Twain

7) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan."

-A. Whitney Brown

8) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'"

-Dave Barry

9) Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken.

-Unknown, presumed deceased