A doctor in Ireland wants to get off work and go hunting, so he approaches his assistant. Seamus, I am going hunting tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic,' he says. 'I want you to take care of the clinic and all me patients.'
'Yes, sir!' answers Seamus.
The doctor goes hunting, returns the following day and asks, 'So, Seamus, how was your day?'
Seamus tells him that he took care of three patients. 'The first one had a headache, so I gave him Tylenol.'
'Bravo, Seamus, and the second one?' asks the doctor. '
The second one had stomach burning and I gave him Maalox, sir,' says Seamus.
'Bravo, bravo! You're good at this. And what about the third one?' asks the doctor.
'Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman bursts into the room. Quick as a wink she undresses herself, tearing off every stitch of clothing including her bra and her panties, and lies down on the table. She spreads her legs and shouts, 'Help me, I beg you! It's been five years since I've seen a man!'
'Thunderin' Lord Jesus, Seamus, what did you do?' asks the doctor.
'I put drops in her eyes.'