Real product instructions
1. On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists - REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE
MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
3. On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.
5. On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING,
ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE PENING. (Sensible,
but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
7. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful haemorrhoids LIE DOWN ON BED AND
INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD
INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP
QUIET.
8. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles OPEN OTHER END.
9. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins - WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE
BREAKFAST CEREAL?
10. On a Sears hairdryer - DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
11. On a bag of Fritos - YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS
INSIDE.
12. On a bar of Dial soap - DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP.
13. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box)- DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.
14. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding - PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.
15. On a Korean kitchen knife - WARNING KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.
16. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights - FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.
17. On a Japanese food processor - NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.
18. On Sainsbury's peanuts - WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS.
19. On an American Airlines packet of nuts INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.
20. On a Swedish chainsaw - DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS.
21. On a child's superman costume - WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU
TO FLY.
22. On some frozen dinners SERVING SUGGESTION DEFROST.
23. On a hotel provided shower cap in a box FITS ONE HEAD.
24. On packaging for a Rowenta iron DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.
25. On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.
26. On Nytol sleep aid WARNING MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS.
